Contradictory Nonsense

2011: One humid evening in Mumbai over a cigarette he confessed his love for her. Like always she was unsure and  caught unawares by this sudden move of his, left him unfulfilled, undesired.. While she never told him earlier, she loved someone else, and determined to get domestic bliss from the man she loved, she pursued him and they went on to marry. He met someone too, a girl much younger than him who gave new meaning to his life and helped him see live like never before – they married too. They parted ways. Both seemed happy as they got what they were looking for though in other people. Slowly both got busy with their lives. 2018: They met again, marriage after all didn’t turn up the way they had expected for both. Both separated, both still unfulfilled. He desperately tried to cling on to the girl as he sought for partnership, but she the free soul that she was, needed romance, even more. They both loved each other, but probably loved themselves more ...

I am so tired of this mechanical routine for this never-ending quest for power. of attractions of manipulation and being used with tall promises in this rat race. of technology and this constant buzz with notifications from people who know it all, talking about tick in the boxes and bucket lists. of looking at screens with fake portrayals with manufactured love and satisfaction. of hiding, of not sharing, of living in denial of not understanding of not being open with my ego changing my very core. of fights, of misunderstandings, of jealously and retorts with jibes, insults and sarcasm. What did I gain from all this? What did I do all this for? What balance did I seek? What I got instead? When did I stop looking at smaller things? When did I start going so fast that I stopped being who I am. My heart longs for the sunset, the sparrows the river, the super moon and the flower. Of torrential rain and getting drenched like two lit...

He took a gulp of fresh air and felt every part of his body come alive. This was no ordinary breath of air, it defined freedom for him – no he was not incarcerated, far from it, he had been living in every contemporary sense a fairly successful life. The freedom that he needed was from himself, his habit of holding on to the past to a thing that was no longer his, his habit of pleasing people and always hiding his true self lest they got offended, his ever cautious, ever pre-emptive state mind which overanalyzed and calculated every single move of his. Maybe it was a lack of confidence because of the bullying that he faced as a kid in school. Maybe because he was a single child and always struggling to mingle and understand where he belonged. But, for some reason that breath of air seemed to have blown all that away.– his fears, his anger, his anxieties. There were still so many things that he didn’t understand, but the process of awakening and realization had begun. It had bee...